Forgive Yourself for Smoking

By Fred H. Kelley

© Copyright 1999 Fred H. Kelley
Web: http://www.quitsmoking.com
Phone: 770-346-9222
Fax: 770-475-5007
Mail: 3675 Glennvale Ct
Cumming, GA 30041

See the end of this report for reprint information.

By Fred H. Kelley

"We cling to our bad feelings and beat ourselves with the past 
when what we should do is let go of it, like Peter did. Once 
your let go of guilt, then you go out and change the world."
-- James Carroll

Carroll is referring to Peter, a disciple of Jesus who, when 
faced with questions about his relationship to Jesus, three 
times denied any connection. Later, Peter went on to help spread 
Christianity throughout the world.

While this article isn't about religion, the example of Peter's 
great guilt over his denials of Christ, and his overcoming of 
his shame and guilt, exemplify the importance of self-
forgiveness.

Forgiving yourself leads to great things!

Whether you've smoked for a year or a lifetime, you probably 
have experienced guilt or shame about smoking. Many smokers feel 
shame over their own failure to control themselves. Others feel 
guilt over the perceived "sin" of smoking. Still others hide 
their smoking from society's persecution of "obnoxious, weak, 
unconcerned, polluting, smelly" smokers, due to feeling ashamed.

Guilt and shame paralyze and polarize. The sad thing about guilt 
and shame is that it is often the result of incorrect 
perceptions of a situation. Have you ever wronged another 
person, then felt guilty for it? Did you avoid that person for a 
long time? When you finally got back together with that person 
you may have found that they had forgiven you long ago, and they 
wished that you were in their life again. How much time did you 
waste feeling guilty?

Many smokers, in an effort to make themselves feel better, tell 
themselves "I've smoked this long. It's too late now for me to 
quit. I might as well keep on smoking." They may think they are 
forgiving themselves, but the reality is they are only making 
excuses. There's a big difference between making excuses and 
truly forgiving. An excuse denies the reality of a problem. 
Forgiveness acknowledges a problem, yet moves beyond the 
problem.

To forgive your own smoking, you must admit to yourself that you 
have a problem that began in the past. Acknowledge the past, but 
also acknowledge that the past is over and can never be changed. 
What's done is done, now you must move on. Forgive yourself for 
starting to smoke. Did you smoke to be disobedient to your 
parents or other authority figure? Acknowledge that this 
happened and that it may have been wrong, but what's done is 
done. Are you ashamed that you have become dependent on a drug? 
There are many reasons why this has happened, many of which you 
were probably unaware of at the time. Forgive yourself for 
falling into the trap. Millions of people are right there with 
you. You are not alone, so don't beat yourself up for it.

The goal of forgiveness is renewal. On the other side of guilt 
is a new freedom. By freeing yourself from feeling inadequate 
over old shortcomings, you empower yourself to achieve great 
results. When you are no longer trapped in self-doubt and self-
pity you can overcome any obstacle. You can look at smoking 
objectively and turn away from it at last. Change what you can 
change; don't worry about the rest.

If you ask yourself who's to blame for your smoking habit, you 
could probably come up with three or four answers: yourself, the 
tobacco companies, your parents, your friends. Whoever or 
whatever the cause for your habit, forgive. It really doesn't 
matter anymore. What you want to concern yourself with now is 
moving past smoking. You'll never do that until you let go of 
the guilt and shame and blame, and simply let go of all of it. 
What matters is that you quit.

It's odd how the things we desire the least can control us the 
most. Instead of focusing on the negative past, draw your 
attention to your positive future. Forgive your past and get 
excited about today, because today you can do something amazing!

Permission to reprint or reproduce this article is granted as long as the following conditions are met:

1. No changes are made to the article without permission of the author.
2. Whenever possible, please notify the author of any reprints;
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